The Influence

F for Family. Also, F for Fights

Since cmbyn woken up the super emotional part of me, let me continue this.

While I’m thinking about the film, it gone deeper and broader,, my life, my acts, my family. Ayan na, then I realize a lot of stuff. 3am thoughts came in. I planned to tell this before pero I changed my mind (About sa away sa bahay at naming magkakapatid, well actually me against them) It was the main reason why I created this blog, para may mapagkwentuhan ako and to burst out my feelings.

At first, I really planned to be evil, and I act as one.. and yeah,once ur an angel na pala tlga, it will be so difficult for you to be bad. Kidding aside, I really changed myself and the way I approach my sibs, (I will be discussing this fight nextime.. kun san nagsimula) but it seems that this was not working, but, instead, It just makes the things worst. Cliche and boring, but this is true. One of my happiness is my family -it turns out na sila riun pla ang weakness ko. Al I want is the best for them and none of them, yeah, none of them realizes it. Sometimes, I assume ako na siguro ang mali, pero deep inside, I still feel that, no. Its not my fault and I am here to rectify that…. So ins hort, What I am trying to say is I am ruining this family as of the moment and I am all I want is mapaayus and maging matiwasay but I guess, I am doing it wrong. Ever since, I noticed that one of my talents is my influence. Ang lakas kong mnaka impluwensya sa tao. kahit kanino, and even to my Fam.I can change the mood in the room, I consider it as a superpower! haha

pero, Kidding aside, I am planning to clear and rectify things out and maging mabait and be the still same me. Dedma na if they will continue to hate me, alam ko na yun before. I will just do what I have to do and I should not dwell much sa mga bagay bagay. I feel so sleepy, and feeling ko nawala yung sense ng mga sinasabi ko, hahaha bat kaya ganun, anyway, ayun lang. in short, titigilan ko na ang ka demonyohan ko at papakabait na ko. babu

Call me by your name hit me again.

Call me by your name

Again. For the second time around, this movie slashed my heart out and awaken the emotional creature inside me. I can’t help but be affected and depressed after watching this film. To be honest, it has to be listed into the Top scariest movies of Hollywood! I swear . It will scare the hell out of you. You will be scared…to love. XD Sufjan…Pasok!

This scene tho…

I have watched this film already and the pain was still as fresh as the first time that I havc watched it. I don’t know! Every feelings, words and actions of Timothee Chalamet touches my soul and it was so relatable for some reason. (the word relatable seems incorrect but I heard it to Ellen.. so idk) I haven’t figured out yet what I really feel when I see this guy (Tim) just like the otheres, we are very confused if we want him inside us, if we want him , if we want to be like him or if we want to take care of this angel. Still, can’t answer. But one thing is for sure now, that this movie is really about the story of almost everyone like me. (No need to elaborate) this film was created with pure feelings and reality. A happy ending was a no for now. I have accepted it eversince and will still stand on it. I am not being negative or bitter but I am just preppin myself and what I am saying is a reality. I have read the book of CMBYN and it was more painful, since it was more detailed and feeling are more described by the author. Ang sakit lalo, kasi sa book, Elio grew up pero yung love , ndi nawala.. Tama naaaaa huhuhhu

It never happened to me, but in case it will happen, I am 100 percent sure that I will be weak and confused like elio – and I will be broken into pieces too when my oliver left.


This song……

Well, the story and the acts are depressing already. wtf sufjan, this kind of music! Gahd,,Actually, as I watched it today, sobrang nanariwa yung Dubai memories ko. nanariwa how I got so addicted to sufjan songs, to the point na I downloaded most of his songs kahit wala sa cmbyn, as it makes me feel na totoo sila, na nagyare yun.. I dont want to lose them, I dont want to forget. I made sure na pinapakinggan ko sya everyday. I cannot tell anyone about this – pero I got so attached.May elio, May oliver tas may ako. I try to find myself, with them, with sufjan, and it brings a lot of emotions while listening to his songs, esp yan! Pero lahat ng soundtracks used in the movie, dinownload ko din. Ayuko nga kasing bumitaw,may something.

I became a fan of Tim, Fanpages, FB and Insta. I dont want to DL pic nya kasi, .. ayaw. haha but to see his smile and eyes and Face, relieved anu man pinag dadaana. fan. Support. Love.

Then I left Dubai, I came back here in the Phils. everything seems normal, nothing changed…I thought. Today, after I ahve watched the film again.. I realized what used to become. Kala ko di ko malilimutan yung feelings. nag fade lang pero pagkapanuod ko at pagkarinig ko uli sa kanya, nabuhay. Bumalik.

STOOOP

until now, I still can’t find the sense and reason of writing this, pero why not. Its one of my untold stories na sayu ko lang pinaalam. I got so emotional , again and this time, another emotions and feelings are coming out tuwing naririnig ko si sufjan. Yung mga gabing walang sawa kong pinakikinggan ang mga kanta nya at isipin si elio. Kung malungkot pa rin ba sya? Babalik ba si oliver? panu kung gantu, ganyan? Ako ba si Elio? cnu si oliver? O baka ako si Oliver… at iniwan/iiwan ko si elio?

Haist. Di po madali, pero kaya. Ciao!

“Punctuation what???”

Hello I am back so I am here now and I am more serious to tell you what’s this story behind this plug well I’m so sorry if there is some typo errors because I am so so so lazy to type as of the moment just as of the moment and so I am just using this dictation feature on the iPhone to tell the thoughts running into my mind.

First of all as you noticed there is no punctuation marks on the whole paragraph that I am using because again I am just using this dictation feature of this iPhone and that is why there is no punctuation marks as if I am a robot and I just start talking without pause or whatsoever or feelings I don’t know

But to start the explanation this blog is created to tell the other side of me the other side of the story well it’s already written above but I just wanted to highlight what is this all about it is about myself it is about my life so if you are reading and you are confuse on what I am saying you better get out here bitch this is not for you I hope you’re hearing my tone of voice right now because it’s so cute and cool but of course you cannot hear it and you will just see this text messages the paragraph without the punctuation marks whatsoever I don’t know why Siri is not able to to to tell if it is a pause if it is the period or question mark Or whatsoever

So upon checking the sentences that I have just composed by dictating the words I know it is that it’s already so long and as if I am really creating a fruitful content for this blog again this blog is just for entertainment purposes of myself and just a platform to tell the other side of the story you know there is always a good side of a person and there is always the real side of the person and I am going to be the real side here I am going to tell all the truth about my life well we don’t know if this is still a lie or the truth but it’s up to me I’ll go ahead and write whatever I want because this is my blog and this is my platform

So I saw that I have to correct a lot of grammar here in this text that I’ve created so it’s a little bit double job but as of the moment I’m going to post it as it is because again I am too lazy and second I don’t care if it is wrong grammar or not as long as I understand myself as long as I fulfill what I wanted to do I will be happy ciao